The number one thing marriage did for me was forced me to GROW UP! When you become one with another person the whole dynamics of your relationship changes. It can be very challenging for a while especially while merging as one you are afraid of losing your identity. In actuality you are not losing your identity you are adding to it. Your spouse should be strong where you are weak and vice versa. It balances out and it compliments one another.
Nonetheless, often times when we get married we have no idea what in the world we are doing! I know I had no clue. I had a preconceived conception but I did not know how to apply the tools it takes to build a strong healthy marriage. Mainly because I didn't study God's word on marriage to know! It was something I had to learn through trial and error and through great pain and disappointments. If I look at the wife I was then and the wife I am now I can honestly say I did not represent a wife the way God said to represent a wife. Many times I acted out of emotions. Very unstable emotions. When you do that you are not being logical. You just respond based on your feelings without thinking about what you are saying or even doing. God challenges us to be slow to speak and swift to listen.(James 1:19 You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.) I wasn't a good listener because I was always speaking. After becoming healed from some things I realized that stemmed from me trying to be heard because something that happened in childhood took away my voice. Well, sorry but in marriage that is not the time to stand up for your right to be "right." That is so out of order and quite ungodly character for a wife or even a husband for that matter.
There was not divine order. 1. God 2. Spouse. 3. Children 4. Work/Ministry. When you become married your husband or wife comes before everything that follows after God. God is ALWAYS first but your spouse is ALWAYS second and there is no exception to this. As women we tend to put our children above our husband because we are wired to be nurturers and that is out of order. For men they tend to place their jobs as most important because they are naturally wired to be providers. 1 Corinthians 11:3 "But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." Without this order there will be no order in your marriage only chaos. There is a divine order that must be followed in order to have lasting healthy marriage. There is no way of bypassing this!
It took a lot of intense therapy and spiritual healing to recover from my past of sexual abuse, rejection, and abandonment issues. I had placed so many of my fears onto my husband that I am pretty sure often times he felt like my enemy. I believe I most likely treated him as such too. He became an outsider within our own marriage. That is a toxic environment to be in. Not to say that he did not have his own history but that is irrelevant because I am accountable to God for how I treat him no matter what he does. The bible states that wives are to respect their husband. (Ephesians 5:33 “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband”) Not just when you feel like it or only when you feel that person is on their best behavior according to your standards. No, that is your way but not God's way on how to be in a marriage.
One of the main issues with marriage is that we think it is about us when it is really about God. Marriage is the most sacred covenant to God outside of our covenant with Him. However, too many of us see marriage as a title, a piece of paper, or some sort of business contract we can get out of when we don't want to be bothered anymore. Malachi 2;16 "For I hate divorce!" says the LORD, the God of Israel. "To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty," says the LORD of Heaven's Armies. "So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife." It does not get any clearer than that. God expects us to reverence marriage as He does and to do everything it takes to honor it. Many times that requires a lot of time praying and seeking God because marriage is work. It is a full time job that you have to show up for daily. I am no expert on this marriage thing but God's word does not lie and He is the expert on this subject since He created this holy union.
I wish when I became married that I had seen marriage through God's eyes. I wish I would have loved my husband through God's heart. If I knew then what I knew now I would have treasured the privilege that was given to me to be a wife. Yes, it is a PRIVILEGE to be married. That is just how special this covenant is to God. We cannot take that for granted or we will take our spouses for granted. Our vows are not just to them but they are to God. When we break covenant with our spouse we break it with God too. Did you know that how you treat your spouse is a representation of how you treat God? Ephesians 5:25 "For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her." It really changes your perspective when you make that God connection.
God has given me a great passion for marriage. As a matter of fact a ministry came out of all the hell that transpired by not doing marriage God's way and going by my own rules. I am in love with marriage. I am in love with praying for those who are married and guiding them off the damaging path that I was on. It was pretty ugly. Praise God for changing me mentally, healing me emotionally, and fulfilling me spiritually. He has poured much wisdom and knowledge into me that now I can help others have a healthy marriage.And for the ones who are struggling or going through a separation or possible divorce I can say let's pray and see what God says! God can turn an impossible situation into something miraculous. Until God says otherwise you have to fight for your marriage through prayer and obedience. God's will gets done but remember we all have free will. God will never make another person come back. They have to feel it in their own heart to do so. And if they do not come back to the marriage then it doesn't mean it was not God's will it means the other person chose not to abide by it. God will always give you directions. He is not a God of confusion! 1 Corinthians 14:33 "For God is not a God of disorder but of peace, as in all the meetings of God's holy people."
Some people fail to realize that they could be the problem in their marriage because they are too busy focusing on their spouses shortcoming and what they are doing wrong or God change them! No! Ask God to change YOU! Too often we don't act in love consistently. Imagine if every time we did not do what God wanted us to do that He just stopped loving us. What if God gave us nasty attitudes, silent treatment, and harsh words? How would that make us feel? It would make me feel brokenhearted if God did that to me! Thank God for grace. We must extend this same grace to our spouses. We are not perfect so why do we expect our spouses to be? I am pretty sure they have plenty to say about our ways.
It's time to stop trying to control a marriage that only God should have control over! Let's break this cycle of divorce by being the wives and husbands God has called us to be. Matthew 19:6 "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Blog with you later....SMOOCHES!!! ; )
Awesome post Monique and I think you hit the head on many things with this. I hope many people will read this.
ReplyDeleteHappy to hear that sis!!!!! I pray they do as well.
DeleteGod bless you my sweet sister !!
ReplyDeleteThank you sis!!! I love you.
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