Friend or Foe?

Sometimes I think my obsession with psychology and how the mind works seriously affects how I view people and their motives. However, over the years I have learned that giving people the benefit of the doubt can turn out to be a painful mistake. There are many sides to living your life on display. It leaves you exposed to every element of human behavior. This day in time not many people are bold with their attacks on you. No, they dress it up with smiles and the famous, "I'm praying for you." phrase when in reality they are preying on you instead. In the past things like this would have wounded a part of me. Especially, when it is from someone that's close to my heart. Now I see past the action into the part of them that must be deeply wounded. I mean what else could explain a person's display of false joy when they see a splurge of happiness come your way? It's sad that people in  this world truly would rather watch you suffering than to see you successful and happy. Well....I am smiling anyway! It was a hard road to get to this place and I don't have much longer to go. If I have not learned anything else over this season in my life it is this: What was intended for bad was turned around for my good! Experiencing the truth in that is something that cannot be taken away. I embrace these changes. I know there are great leaps of faith I still have to fearlessly jump over. I am ready to jump better yet fly to where my next destination is. I am soaring to new heights now but I still have a long way to go before I say I have reached where God wants me to be! ;-)

blog with you later....Smooches!!!

Sometimes holidays are painful....

Missed birthdays, holidays, and special occasions aren't the same when you aren't spending them with the ones you love. I try to brace myself through these moments but it's in the quiet moments that the silence seems so loud and the tears seem so hard to contain. I have no idea why the pain seems to be bursting through the seams more and more lately. I try not to get distracted by the pain and just focus on the work God is doing but I can't ignore the grieving that is taking place in the very depths of my soul. Could this be a sign that the contractions are rapidly approaching? Should I be preparing to give birth? I know I have to push through the pain to reach the end of this miracle. When I am face to face with my miracle I will know that it was nobody but God who brought me through it.

More and more it seems there are tears on my pillow. Yet I wake up smiling knowing that God is still the author of this book called, My Life. He has not forgotten me and as He sits at His throne He is acknowledging the good and faithful servant I have been. Even when I wanted to give into my fears and not do what He asked me to do I was obedient no matter how the fear consumed me I followed God and trusted Him. My spirit is apprehensive and only prayer soothes it. God knows the desires of my heart and He knows my desire to please Him. As bad as all of this hurts I won't be moved until God moves me! 

Blog with you later....Hugs & Love!!!

He Has Great Plans For Me...

As the weeks and days go by I sit back and think of all the things God has shown me and the ways He has spoken to me. I am always asking Him if I am on the right track and doing exactly what He wants me to do and He keeps reminding me that I am. I look at how far I have come and to some it may look like a long time but to me it's such a short time. If it wasn't for my blogs and my journals I could not accurately express how I got to this place. It would appear that I woke up and became who I was always supposed to be but that is not the truth. It took great pain and adversity to reach this place. It took much growth and healing to be the woman I am today. God met me at my lowest and brought me so much higher than I thought I could be and yet I still have higher heights to rise to.

There are days when my plate seem so full and I wonder if I can handle all that has been placed on it. In those moments God shows me that He has never given me anything whether it was good or bad that I could not handle. He has always equipped me for everything I just had to know how to use it. I have learned that most battles are fought on your knees in prayer and not with your words in frustration or anger. I have seen that things that appeared to be dead in my life have been resurrected and restored to something greater than what I had before. God has given me such a heart that forgives that even when I think it is something I could never forgive I find myself releasing it knowing that it is better to let it go and be free than hold it and become toxic again. My life is free of toxicity and I detox as much as I need from negativity.

I am in great anticipation for the future things that are going to happen in my life. These are game changing events that will show just how faithful God truly is . No matter what the world says or how it looks prayer changes things because there is nothing impossible for God. I trust Him and His word. My faith is in Him and not my fears. I will continue to feed my faith and starve my fears until every promise is given to me. I will look back at where I was and then look back to who I am and then know that God is going to take both my past and present to impact the future He has laid out for me. My greater is coming and it won't tarry at all...

Blog with you later...Hugs and Love. ;-)

I Love New York!!!

I haven't been to the place I fell in love in almost 3 yrs. Well, to celebrate that anniversary and my birthday as well I am excited to FINALLY be in the place I've been missing so much. =) I can't wait to see my family and old friends there and of course have me a bacon, egg, and cheese! Mmm, yes I love New York. Now I get to share this experience with my son who rarely gets to go on trips but his big sister has been all over the place the past year. Matter of fact, she is on a trip now with her school. So, I am super excited and I thank God for providing for me to take this much needed vacation.

I think between all the illness and surgical procedures and trips to the hospital I deserve to go some place nice. Everybody needs to spoil themselves and that is something I rarely get to do. Being in multiple ministries I am always pouring into so many others. Now it is time for me to pour back into myself with the people I love. I have no idea what to expect of this trip because in my family you expect the unexpected and pray nobody goes to jail...LOL

It's storming outside so that's all for now my loves...I will blog with you later!!! Smooches ; )