The Day I Married My King

I remember the day I became married. I was nervous. It wasn't planned. It was a spur of the moment thing opposite of when we were actually planning a wedding. Something in my husband urged him to say "What if I wanted to get married right now?" I knew it didn't matter if it was that very second or ten years later he was the one I was going to marry. I think the next day we went to the courthouse for our marriage license & three days later we were married.

I remember we could not stop smiling and laughing throughout our vows. I believe he was just as nervous as I was. Then when she said you may kiss your bride I did not expect him tp grab my face and kiss me! However, that is just the kind of man he is. You never know what he is going to do at any given minute. People kept asking did I feel different now that we were married and I would say no because he always treated me as his wife even when we were merely dating. The love he displayed for me and through me was preciously priceless! Even thinking about it just gives me butterflies inside. =)

It is almost a year and a half later & God has placed this new sense of love for my husband. It kind of seems out of place for the season we are in but I think God is up to something much bigger despite what it looks like now. I can say with pride and a huge smile that I am wholeheartedly in love with the king God has placed in my life! It is easy to miss the blessing you have before you when you get caught up in life around you on top of the battles within you. Nonetheless, I recognize that my husband was a gift to my life I never expected. He came into my world at such a time of loss and gave me so much more than I could have imagined.

He will forever be one of the greatest encounters of my life! I am grateful for his many sacrifices over the years. He loved me through my darkest of times & I know me so that was pretty hard for him to do yet he did it anyway! I appreciate him for his love....it changed me!!!

Well, enough of my love story. Blog with you later! Smooches....Muah!!! ; )

7 Days Of Fasting....

I wish I would have done a video blog for each day of my fast. It has been such a major corporate blessing for me and those within my ministry as well as those who I minister to. The way God moves when you make sacrifices that edify Him is so humbling. I am only on day 4 but God has been blessing me and those around me since day 1 of this fast. I don't even know why I am shocked because I am a living testimony to how great God is.

When I originally started this 7 day fast it was just a general fast and a way to bring myself closer to God so I could hear Him more clearly. However, it turned into something so much more. I went to a Christmas party for the Trees Of Hope & BLOOM ministry I work with and my former facilitator from Shelter from the Storm suggested that 3 of these days be dedicated towards marriages.Today we got together and prayed and in the midst of all of this fasting a married couple came to Christ and is now saved. They were former Catholics. How amazing is that?

On top of this God has been moving in all other areas of ministry as well as our personal lives. We even prayed for the President's marriage!!! =) I am so blessed to have such prayer warrior women around me. god has truly brought me to my designated place through my marriage. I am overly thankful for the way God works. I am thankful for my marriage as well.

This season of prayer was more than needed and I am happy that I was obedient to God's will!Well, I will blog with you later.....SMOOCHES!!! ; )

God is teaching me Love.

I thought when God was teaching me forgiveness that I had a hard time but I find love is an even harder task. It has always been easy for me to love. I am a lover of people in general. My heart is big and I give a lot of myself to those I care about or even strangers for that matter. I guess it's one of my gifts. However, over time through trials and experiences the way I loved became tarnished. Love began to come with conditions and not to be unconditional as God loves. God is bringing me back to that place of loving WITHOUT conditions.

It's hard to love through pain, disappointment, expectations, rejection, abandonment, anger, etc. The list could go on for any individual. Love is such a simple task that we as people complicate with out emotions. Love is something you give no matter the circumstances. Right or wrong...good or bad.....ups and downs, because that is how God loves us.

I cannot count how many times I have turned my back on God, rejected Him, ignored Him, or used Him for my own gain and then tossed Him off to the side after a blessing. Thank God He forgives me even when I don't deserve it! Loving people causes you to die to yourself daily. It causes you to think of yourself less. Most importantly, love is what we give without expecting something in return. God's greatest two commandments are on love. First love for God and then Love for our neighbors. Without love we are nothing!

My point in saying all of this is that God allowed me to fall in love so deeply and then allowed test to test that love repeatedly. Could I still love even if things weren't going my way? The answer I can give today is YES! Don't get me wrong I failed numerous times before getting here.I realize now that love was never about me it was about God. My job is to be obedient to that love and God's job is to handle the rest. I have no choice but to trust God's way over my own because He sees the big picture that I cannot see. By no means am I saying it is an easy road but it is a "worth it" road because God is making me a stronger woman in the midst of the pain He is loving the hurt away....

Blog with you later....SMOOCHES!!!

Love's Faith

Through my rain you brought the sunshine,

 Looked past my pain and beyond all my cries,

The love you gave warmed every depth of my insides,

You saw deep beyond my sorrowed eyes,

Took the time to explore every inch of my soul,

Placed the actions behind the words your heart spoke,

I was so bruised but still not broken,

Brave yet still battered from my past,

But you kept pulling me through the madness,

The very reason I didn't shatter,

Even though the chaos consumed me,

The intense desire in your heart renewed me,

I crave every thing that is you,

The way your spirit connects to mine,

Your harmonies and my melodies divinely intertwined,

I want you to be my last and only,

Never want to think of a day without you holding me,

Knowing that even if we fell apart my heart wouldn’t let go so easily,

Can’t deny how my soul is yearning,

Clinging on the moments when your voice soothed me,

Trapped in the memories of the smiles you birthed through to me,

Proving love wasn’t my enemy but an experience,

Sending me back to the faith in love that I had long lost,

With you I have every royalty imaginable without even paying the cost!

Written: February 2, 2010

2012©Monique Favors 

Perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18).

I had completely forgotten I had written this piece for my husband when we were only dating. While editing some pieces for my upcoming book I found it and it brought such a smile on my face. I am so thankful for the storms he has weathered with me even when he barely knew me.

BLOOMing

Yesterday, I took three of my teens to the beach. What an adventure that was. After two hours of driving around doing pick ups, getting lost, and finally making it to the beach it was worth it! THEY WERE WORTH IT! If they only knew how such a big step that was for me to take. I am thankful that through them I overcame an obstacle I didn't think I could overcome in these past 3 months. It is a sign that I am becoming stronger and that God is truly covering me through this storm.

Dania Beach was beautiful. Although I sat on the beach the whole time I learned so much just watching my teens form a stronger sisterhood and to see them laughing and enjoying some much needed freedom. Sexual abuse takes so much from you and I believe that simple time of peace and fellowship gave them a little bit of what they lost back. I can say I am proud of how far they have grown and how far they will continue to grow. God is doing such a work in their lives! As a matter of fact, He is doing such a work in my own life.

I keep drawing closer to God because I know He is the only one who has all the answers for my future. I have to be open to the plans He has for my life even if they aren't exactly the way I planned them out. I am growing...I am blooming...I am becoming ME!

Blog with you later...SMOOCHES!!! ; )

Try Shifting Your Atmosphere

There is nothing too hard for God & nothing God cannot restore!!! Shifting the atmosphere through worship is the best shift into a breakthrough.

Everything B.L.O.O.M.

My passion for mentoring has well exceeded the expectations I could have imagined! This gift keeps on giving and I am humbled. Thank you God for this opportunity. =)

Journey To Me...

I am still on this journey of finding me. I have lost myself to false expectations and unreal unrealistic ones as well. However, I have found pieces of my best self through mentoring young teens. I don't know where God will take me in this arena but I am humbled by what He has already been doing. I am also finding healing in my own life by walking them through their own healing with sexual abuse.

I have gained so much knowledge and wisdom through the side effects of my own abuse. Especially, when it comes to relationships and marriage. I wish I knew then what I know now but I think I learned what I learned in the exact timing it needed to be learned. I have lost a lot but I have faith I will gain more if I just keep standing on God's promises. One thing God does not do is fail!
Blog with you later my sweets. ; ) Muah...

Free love...

In the Bible it says, "Love covers a multitude of sin." It took me a while to truly relate to its meaning.

Once I pull the negative emotional layers away the root to it all is founded on love. That very foundation of love is what has me so torn. How do I walk away from that kind of love? My mind can rationalize every reason I should and then my heart rationalizes every reason I shouldn't. It's like love and pain are at war and most days it seems pain is winning but then love so gently rises back up on the winning side.

I am surrounded by things that should be bringing me pain but all I feel is love, comfort, & peace by them. I can't even explain why it does? On the other hand there are still places I can't go without feeling like I am about to have a meltdown. However, little by little I am attempting to conquer these familiar memories without having such an anxiety about them. It is going to take some time.

It's been almost 2 months since the dynamics of love changed for me and it is a task to stay grounded. I cannot deny how much I am in love. I mean a true unconditional love. Now what do I do with it? My love is traveling down a one way street with no signs of life to meet it. It just overwhelms my heart endlessly so I have this weight in my chest. I wish I could release it to its intended target but that door has been closed and bolted down. I just want to set my love free to the one who used to be in love with me...

My Tree Of Hope

I could have never imagined how life changing this healing process would be for me!!! I am so grateful for the women God has placed in my life. He has surrounded me by so much wisdom and love. I was never a big fan of trusting too many woman but I can honestly say I trust the women he has placed into my life. They have been my strength, my comfort, and my safe place. We all have each others back and God is doing great things as we connect with each other.

Trees of Hope was the best thing that I could have ever been a part of. Going through Shelter From The Storm was painful but rewarding. Some days I didn't think I could do it. Some days I didn't want to do it honestly! It was such a strain on my marriage & my kids but once I made it to my healing God softened my hardened heart. You never realize how years of sexual abuse alters your whole life. It changes everything about who you are and who you were supposed to be. I needed to get those things out of me so I could let God and everybody else back in.

I am thanking God for allowing me to find my tree of hope! Everything happens in His perfect timing and I am seeing the great ways He is using me. I am like a butterfly freely flying into my purpose! I AM BLOOMING WHERE GOD HAS PLANTED ME. ; )
I love the T.O.H. and the B.L.O.O.M team!!! We are so WORTH it...

The Mask

The fake smiles that hide the real tears. I've been doing that for a minute. After a while it gets annoying for people to keep calling asking you are you okay? This is a daily thing! It's a question that answers itself. Nevertheless, I am forced to be strong, put on my brave face, and move forward. Life doesn't stop because you are hurting. It keeps going with or without you. I try to block my thoughts but they wait until I am asleep now and parade my dreams freely. I haven't slept good in a month. I wake up getting ready to speak to an existence that no longer exists. Why have I not broken this pattern yet? I took steps to bring some order to the reality and had a setback that had the enemy parading my thoughts ready to kill and destroy me. I had to break free and leave the very place that I am suppose to have peace just so I didn't fall into the trap of my enemy. Sometimes it is just too much to feel at once and I keep asking God when will it stop? I even tried to make myself go numb but I could not! I mastered this ability and now I can't even use it. This is the worst thing I ever felt inside of me.

I know I am always saying there is a purpose for your pain but I wish wholeheartedly so much pain didn't exist in this world or me. I am starting to see the fruits of this pain because of the wisdom I have obtained. I can see both sides of the table and conclude that many things fail when you try to maintain an "I" in team. Without unity there is nothing. This is how businesses are destroyed, families, marriages, relationships, ministries....whatever! It is a fact that God never designed us to do anything alone. That is the reason even he made man so He would not be alone and then He made a woman so man would not be alone.

I am thankful for the unity in my ministry. Without these women I don't know if I could have any strength inside. We are all going through our individual storms as leaders and that must mean God is about to do a miracle through us and with us but the pain is just overwhelming for us all.

I don't know when I will be okay. I don't know how much longer this pain will last. I don't even know what the future holds. What I do know is God has a plan bigger than my eyes can see and it starts with me looking past my problems and staying focus on the King!

P.S. Sorry, I haven't been blogging much this past week. It was my hardest week yet!!! Blog with you later. Smooches. ; )

Sending out good vibes. =)

There is "Good" in Goodbye.

Hate almost took a root inside of me the past few days. I could literally feel the weight of it being planted within my heart. As I was just about to fall asleep I remembered I worked too hard to get here! Nothing deserves for me to hold that severity of a negative emotion. Yes, I am still angry due to the handling of matters and not the outcome of the situation itself. Therefore, my heart and soul is wounded deeply to its core. It is going to take a while for me to recover from the loss. However, I realize what I had died a long time ago! Maybe that is what is truly grieving me. What I had before was not what I had when I decided to take it to the next level in my life. As I've gone through old journals and things from the past 2 years almost, I realize the only thing I was truly holding onto was chaos and pain because that is all I kept referring to. What is before me is a complete stranger to my heart and what I once saw is dead and buried. I am just now realizing that I held on to what was and not really what was in the present. I'm just filled with overwhelming memories of the wonderfulness I once held within. It would be great if I could be numb again but I think me feeling the pain will keep me from making the same mistake again! I will be much wiser in my decision making. I think what bothers me more is all the things I defended against turned out to be the truth all along. I suppose I was blind to it or I just couldn't believe it as the truth. I was lying to myself and putting protection where it didn't deserve to be put. I see more clearly of what really was and what I wanted to see.

I think while writing this I am just acknowledging the death that I never coped with. I do have regrets. Although people think you shouldn't have regrets. I have many! I am owning that wholeheartedly. Despite what I learned through this toxicity I wouldn't travel the road again. God had a plan for my life and I took the scenic route by creating that life changing detour. I should have never went backwards and kept moving forward in my healing. The only trust that should have been placed in that time was in God. Nevertheless, my fears led the way and I lost who I was in the process.

My environment is much more peaceful. I am able to write poetry again which I had a blockage in doing this past year.Doors and opportunities are opening all over for me with my writing. Projects are lined up well into next year. My babies are getting involved in great things at church and in school. Yet I still find myself crying in the midst of the smiles. Go figure! Good thing I have a strong spiritual support system. They pray me through it all without having to tell them anything. They feel my pain and pray for it.
We have been talking about "our worth" in my BLOOM ministry with the girls and I am realizing that I had allowed myself to be devalued that I forgot what I was worth! Over time my worth became zero and God didn't create me to be a zero. He made me PRICELESS! Nobody deserves to be made to feel less than what God created them to be. I am reminded of my worth. I am a great woman, an awesome mother, and I will be an amazing wife because I am now healed! I deserve God's best and in His timing I will receive it.
I really try not to beat myself up for my actions that led to this pivotal time in my life but the effect it has caused on myself and my little family had been weighing in on me heavy. So much unnecessary trauma that they nor I should have ever been exposed to. We all need healing from these wounds. We deserve better things and God is making a way for us to have them! Once He gets me through this pain I will be at peace emotionally again. The things that are making me cry now like a trip to the mall, won't after a while. It's kind of like how can you miss something you never had? It was an illusion of something it never was in the present time. I had 2010 on repeat forgetting it was 2012. So, this may be actually the best thing I ever loss...

Surrounded by greatness.

What I love about the men and women in my life is that when I cry they cry. When I fall they run to help me up. When I'm flying high they are soaring with me. God has surrounded me with just the right people for this season in my life. They motivate me and uplift me with no motives other than wanting what is best for me. Of course I am all these things to them as well. I am so thankful for who God has placed in my life as well as who He has removed. When this season is over I am going to achieve beyond the expectations I set. Everything happens for a reason. I may cry now but after the healing is over I will be smiling bigger and brighter than ever!!! =) God is working it out in my favor...

With all that I've encountered over this year it is time that I put my pain back into my poetry. This is where the healing will start once I release my sorrows into words. These will be my best pieces yet! I haven't been able to really write in a while but it is coming back to me. I hope I never lose it again because my words speak volumes.

Getting back to me

When you lose yourself the best thing you can do is find yourself in a better place than you were in before. Learning that I don't have to give up so much of myself anymore just to be left on empty. There is balance in everything. I have to end a chapter in my life I don't want to end. It is a very painful chapter but I can still find reasons to smile within those pages. I am forced to take the lessons learned and use them in a new chapter in a whole new book for my life. Despite my grieving and tears I have to move forward past the loss and be grateful for what I will gain! I don't know how long it will take me to work past this heartache but I do know God has something great in store for me in all areas of my life. I didn't go through all of this for nothing. As for now I will let my words heal me because the more I release outside the less blockage I have inside. I refuse to be who I was! I am a stronger, wiser, and better woman today. I will continue to become a better mother and though it took some time I learned what it takes to be a good wife. I will continue to study that role because marriage is a beautiful thing in God's eyes. I am going to honor God in amazing way when I get to show Him the kind of wife He has groomed me to be! God will be proud of me. Where I failed once in life I will no longer fail again because His wisdom will stay with me......Thank you God for keeping me in the midst of this storm!!!

Why I shaved off my hair?

Well.....Because.... I CAN!!! O_o Seriously, the day after a life altering day in my life I decided to basically START OVER. I've already done that on the inside so I felt I needed to do it with the outside as well. I've been losing a lot of things this year and people as well. I think it is time I start gaining back what I lost but with a better purpose. Life is too short to live beneath God's best. God designed me for greatness and I can't be great by being bound things and people God didn't design for my life. It is also a time to rebuild and restore those damged places within my heart as well as my soul. A time to re-evaluate and appreciate the blessing I had in front of me. Sometimes it takes losing something just to see how valuable it was in the first place! Prayerfully, God will restore that piece of me I lost and it will be better and stronger than it was before. I believe that is something I will never take for granted again.......

Losing Strength!

My bad days are outweighing the good.

These past couple of weeks have been mentally, emotionally, & physically draining! It is so hard to see hope in a situation where everything is crumbling around you and you are losing valuable people in the process. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH HONESTLY.....IT IS "TOO" MUCH!!! =,(

Loving this Video Blogging!!! =) Watch a piece of my testimony.

A Part Of Me Died Inside...

I feel like a very important part of myself has died. No matter how much I try to ignore what is going on, reality keeps hitting me in my face every morning I wake up and every night I go to sleep. I am in this limbo stage of life and no matter how bad I want it to go right it continues to go left. I continue to tell myself that God has this purpose that my eyes can't see. That no matter how bad my heart hurts He is working out the best things for me. But how do I keep the faith when the reality of the unknown is suffocating me? I get tired of the "Be Strong" speeches & spiritual quotes of encouragement when at the end of the day my heart is still hurting. I never gave myself a fairytale vision for my life but I did expect a more beautiful journey than I stumbled upon. All I can do is pray that my prayers get answered according to the will God has for my life. Even if I lose everything I originally had. Yes, it will hurt me deeply if it isn't the same as my current heart's desire but I trust that God would never do anything to hurt me. I am grieving over this part of me that is dying. Even as I write the tears are building within my eyes. I miss the greatness that I had once had within my heart but it is so empty now. I've been faking it for a week now. I knew I would have good days and bad days but now the bad days are adding up. I am tired of wearing this masquerade. Can I just be real? It appears people expect me to be something I am not right now which is strong. Yes, I am a very strong woman but right now I am going through my weakness. I don't want to hide behind my pain. My pain is real! My tears are real! What I am going through and have been going through for quite some time is more than real! My soul yearns for what is such a far distance away and that is killing me inside. I am questioning between words and actions and you know when the mind thinks too long anything can be imagined. I don't want my imagination to distort my reality again. Though words bring me comfort and peace, the actions bring me pain and disappointment. I don't want the lies to become truth and the truth to become lies.....I know this may not make sense to you as you read but at some later point it will. It's too soon to say right now. Hopefully, my next post will be a little more uplifting for you. Sometimes you have to get real with yourself so you can get real with others. Blog with you soon....SMOOCHES.

Battling Pain On My Prince's B-Day =\

All Work!!!

It's funny how painful changes in your life will motivate you to push even harder for your dreams. For a while I have been letting other people have more power in that arena where I should have been taking more control. After all, it is MY dream right? So, many doors and opportunities are opening up for me left and right. I must say I am extremely excited, humbled, and honored! People I don't even know are willing to go out there way for me and for FREE at that. When God knows your situation He will make a way for you. Yesterday, I was feeling like I was being kicked while I was down and then just like that God was pulling me back up. He was reminding me that my faith and trust must stay in Him because His intentions are ALWAYS pure. I am seeing the true colors of a lot of people and these are people I would never expect to show these kinds of colors. I am at a time in my life where I have to protect as well as guard my heart, my mind, my spirit, and my purpose way better than I have in the past. These things can make or break me and I will not be broken by people or life again. They say when you know better you simply do better! I pray mercy for those who have meant harm to me over the years. God's wrath is nothing to play with and messing with a person such as I, there will need to be an overflow of mercy. I have seen what He has done to others in the past concerning me. I can only imagine what He would do now. My purpose is just that great!

Now that my head is more clear I have started back writing. I am almost done with a new piece of poetry. I started the video blogging which I am finding very enjoyable. I cannot wait until I do the next one. People are enjoying those more than I expected. As you can see I am blogging more frequently. Yay me! LOL Yes, I am getting my stuff together. I am currently working on some changes to my poetry book. I decided I want to go a slightly different route with it and also add a little more to it as well. I think most likely next week I will start back writing my book on my life. I believe I am more than ready to travel that path now. I have grown a lot and overcome a lot so it is surely time! Most importantly I am HEALED from those things that caused me such turmoil over the years. Thank you Jesus for that! =) Well, let me get back to work....SMOOCHES ; )

My Life Has Been Altered...

If I would have looked back at my life I never would have imagined the things that I have been through. For quite some time I have been going through a battle with my past that was drastically affecting my present. Thank God for healing and Thank God for showing me what I was blind to within myself and to those who surrounded me. God is still taking his time through this present lesson in life and I must say it is a painful process. At the same time this pain has forced me to refocus on my purpose and not my problems. Sometimes we never know how much we block our own blessings until God starts removing some of those stumbling blocks for us. I have my good days and then I have my not so good days. Today was one of those days but God still was showing me I need to trust Him and not what I see before me. The enemy wants me to be focused on the negative so it will cripple me from going into my destiny but He will not win! God made me such a warrior and if I can beat death twice I can surely beat anything else that comes my way. It is in your weakness that you will see who really is there for you and who is against you. Trust me that you will be able to count those people on one hand alone. Honestly, that is all you really need. My advice to you is love yourself enough not to lose yourself unless it's in God! ; ) Blog with you later....SMOOCHES.

September Is Sickle Cell Awareness Month

A video of my son and I talking about our illness.

Sooooo I finally did it!!! LOL #Enjoy ; )

My Weekend Retreat With Team Bloom.

Okay, I told you I would update you all on my getaway with the lovely leaders of Bloom so here goes. Well, honestly, my mind and heart was not in it when I first arrived because I was battling with some past demons that were still affecting my current life. Basically, God was showing me how damaged I was and how I was damaging others by my own pain that I wasn't healed from. Nevertheless, the retreat was such a success. What the enemy intended for bad God surely turned into good. I am so excited that I got to know my spiritual sisters a little bit better. I am even more excited to work with these teens and guide them through their healing. I want them to know that they don't have to wait until my age to receive healing. They don't have to make the many mistakes I made or become the person I became because of the sexual abuse I endured as a child and as an adult. I am just ecstatic about what God is doing in my life. The way He is changing my environment and the way He is sustaining me through the good as well as the bad. This was a much needed getaway to get closer to God. Just to be able to hear His voice so clearly. Yes, the purging process was painful but it was needed. I will admit I would have rather not felt any of it but because I did I conquered it! Yay me!!! =) You never know how much you hold yourself back when you hold all that pain in. Confronting and Conquering is a necessity.Well, I just wanted to update you all so be blessed and have a wonderful evening. I know I will.....SMOOCHES!!!

I am super stoked!!! =)

Today I am going on my first women's retreat!!! =) As, I told you all before I am a part of a non profit organization called BLOOM which is geared towards teenage girls who are victims of sexual abuse. Well, starting tomorrow I will be spending time with our leaders and the rest of the team that works with BLOOM just to have a relaxing and spirit filled weekend of fellowship. I really need this kind of thing in my life right now. A time to get away and just feel God up close and personal. I am expecting great things to come and for God to change all of our situations around. We have a mighty task on our hands once school starts and we start working with these young women. Yes, thank you Jesus for bringing such beautiful, powerful, and anointed women together in UNITY. I need to start packing and stop typing. I will blog about my experience when I return. I hope you all have a fabulous weekend and may the favor of God be upon your lives!!!

SMOOCHES.....MUAH!!!

Amazing God

Once again my mom has me hooked on a song! Now I have to go purchase another William Murphy album cause this song right here moves me. I don't even have to say much just listen to the words and watch them mime. You will feel and see what I mean....ENJOY!!!

Restoring Relationships: Healing for the Broken Hearted- Dominic Herbst

I have been taking this class called Restoring Relationships for the past few weeks and as I am down to my last couple of classes I am struggling. At the beginning of taking these classes, because of where my mind and heart was I thought I wasn't going to benefit from this course anymore. How wrong was I? COMPLETELY! It covers the topics of how much our past specifically from our childhood affects everything we are in our adulthood. The affects are even greater when sexual abuse has occurred. 

I've had so many traumatic memories in my life that they often overshadow the good I actually did experience as a child or an adult.Even more disheartening that we often mimic the pain that was done to us onto other people. So, now those who have been wounded are now wounding the very same people they should be loving on. It just becomes an unhealthy viscous cycle of unforgiven hurt. I don't know about you but I don't want to be a person to hurt another person because of my own wounds.

The past two weeks we have had to write letters. One was an autobiography detailing the hurts of our past. In that moment I knew I was going to have to face all the pain I had been running away from. Many times I am shocked at how much I have been through and yet still I am standing! I can only give that kind of credit to God because it's incomprehensible. The second set of letters is to our parents. My mother and I have a wonderful relationship but my father is a whole different kind of story. He has no idea what being a father is and he by far was not an example of any type of man I should date let alone marry. I always feared being with anybody that resembled him. One of these days I will get into the details of that but just know the best thing my mother ever did was divorce him and the worst she ever did was marrying him... As you can imagine these letters are digging into so many old wounds and my emotions are everywhere. It's very scary for me! These are wounds I just never wanted to be exposed but I have to do this in order to be who God needs me to be and do what God needs me to do! My purpose in this life depends on my complete healing so no matter how bad it hurts I have to do this.

 

Through this class I am learning how to find the healing for these soulful wounds and I am feeling the change within my heart. My greatest defense mechanism when it comes to pain is to shut down and become numb to my emotions. However, that process prevented me from admitting that there was pain there in the first place. The thing we as people often try to avoid is to grieve the pain we are feeling. We need to grieve. It's important that we do not ignore how important it is to acknowledge and feel the pain we are feeling inside. Personally, being a woman who has held a lot of pain over the years grieving was not an option for me. I just could not accept the pain so I blocked it out as best I could. The catch to that is because of years of pain not properly grieved I have a soul filled with toxicity.

I am now feeling the pain from my past as well as my present and I haven't felt a lot of things in quite some time. I feel re-humanized. Almost like re-birthing the part of me that had been dead and buried. Now because I can feel all the pain I am also able to feel all of the love as well. It's funny how that worked out, but God knew what to do to get that worked out of me. My capacity to love is so much more overwhelming than my capacity to feel pain.I look forward to telling you the outcome of this purging process. The question is are you ready to hear it? Better yet would you consider doing it for your own life? I think you should! ; )

Catch you later!!! SMOOCHES...MUAH =)

My Testimony By Marvin Sapp

Hello Bloggers,

I am leaving you with this encouraging video because we all have testimonies. We have had those days when the weight of the world seems to be pressed upon our shoulders and the walls are closing in. Just remember that "No Weapon Formed Against You Shall Prosper Because The Power Of Life & Death Is In Your Tongue, & Greater Is He That Is Within You Than He That Is Within The World! You Are More Than A Conquer Therefore You Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens You!"

Well, I have to get ready for my class but I pray God's favor pours out into your lives and you are blessed beyond the desires of your heart! 

SMOOCHES.....MUAH.

Fear Of Love...

I was going through old voice mails my husband left me before basic training and then watched some videos I had made him while he was in AIT. This one stood out to me! It actually made me cry all over again. I came with so much emotional trauma and baggage, two children, and a host of illnesses, on top of having a sick child. Guess what? He STILL chose to love me as well as them like we were flawless creatures in his eyes. Funny things is, that is exactly the way God loves us. I think sometimes we forget where the love started at when our relationships progress over time. We forget how in love we were and how special that person made us feel. I made this video when we were just boyfriend and girlfriend and a year and a half later we are married. Just reached our one year of marriage mark last weekend.

The one thing I learned about marriage is you have to put in three times the work maybe even more than you did when you were just dating. It is so easy to get caught up in the every day dealings of life that you stop appreciating who you fell in love with. Those simple words like, "I appreciate you", "I need you", "I love you", "I miss you", and even a simple "Thank you" gets tossed to the side. Although we may know how our other half feels it is also very important for it to be heard. It's the only way to keep the positive and good things alive in your relationship.

However, the most important factor is God above! Without God in the center of your life and your relationship it will only get harder. It's better to just get it right from the beginning so we don't have to run to God to save our relationships after the fact! That is a lesson that hurts worse when it is learned the hard way. Love is God because God is the definition of Love and the Creator of Love! How wonderful is that? To be able to love like God? Of course, as humans we will fall short because we are not perfect like God is. Nevertheless, we can still be inspired to love like Him.

I am so glad I went back and watched these videos. They made me laugh a lot and this one made me cry. I am thinking of going back and reading the letters he wrote as well while he was in training because it keeps that love fresh! I don't ever want to forget what that feels like because that is the best feeling of love I have ever experienced outside of God! You can see that all over my face that I was undoubtedly in love. I remember falling in love over and over again because he is always with new surprises, new experiences, I was always being amazed by him. I don't want to lose that greatness and substance. This had to be God reminding me to continue to appreciate this very man I was thanking Him for in this video. God knows how to get my attention! ; ) I'm ecstatic right now yall....LOL

I've married such an intelligent, handsome, wonderful man who loves and sacrifices for me on so many levels. He never likes to see me cry or sad and when it's all said and done he continues to strive to make me happy even when I am getting on his nerves...Ha! Now that is what you call love right?  

On that note thank you for reading. TTYL Smooches...Muah!!!

P.S. I think I am starting to get the hang of this blogging. I think I like it. : )

How To Be Succesful-Tyler Perry's Inspirational Message

Tyler Perry posted this video and it was right on time for me! Being that I have so many talents, my heart is pulled in so many directions with all the things I want to accomplish in life. I am so unfocused. I truly need to stick to one specific goal and let God work out the rest. I am constantly stretching myself all over the place which is blocking me from staying on task. I really have to pray about what God wants me to put my time in. I know without a shadow of a doubt that He will provide a way for me to meet all my dreams.

In this new found revelation of myself I guess I want to encourage you to become focused on what your heart is drawn to! It is so easy to try to do everything that we end up not doing anything at all. Doing something you love is way much better than not being able to do nothing you love because you are too distracted! Distractions are the biggest road blocks that we face in all aspects of life. However, we are in control of our own destinies. It's time to walk that path to our purpose and make the dream into a reality.

 I don't know about you but I am ready to live beyond the right now. I know God has something for me bigger than my own mind can conceive. He is just waiting on me to GET FOCUSED! My first focus has to be directed towards Him of course. As long as He remains my priority I won't have to worry about it coming to pass because my destination is already paved out. All I need to do is stay on track and perfect my crafts. What my God has for me is surely for me...

Sorry, for my extreme absence....

I have so much going on for one summer that I have neglected this blogging experience. I need to do better seriously & I will! Just be patient the blogs will get better and I will dedicate more time and energy as I do my fan page. Anywho, time for me to handle my church business so I will get back to this another time...Be Blessed!!!

And This Is Why Dancing For God Is EVERYTHING!!!

One day soon I will be watching my daughter Trinity who is 12 now do this very same thing! Dancing is the greatest form of worship God could have ever given to me. Although, due to health issues I haven't been able to dance like I wanted to but I know God will fulfill the desires of my heart in His timing. Watching these young people move in the spirit of God is truly breathtaking. I didn't become blessed with my gift until I was 18 but watching them sure does inspire me. I cannot wait to own my own dance school. This is the kind of stuff I want to see birthed out of our young people.

Pulling Myself In Multiple Directions!!!

Running a fan page is very much time consuming and now I am trying to catch up with this blogspot as well. Wow, who knew that loving to write would become so much work??? Yes, I am very much overwhelmed by all of this internet stuff. Nevertheless, the benefits appear to be very fruitful and I feel great about it all. Prayerfully, my poetry book will be released by this summer!!! =) Yes indeedy sweetie.

I have been contemplating if I want to do some video blogging. Especially, because talking saves my fingers from hurting with all this typing. ; ) It is something I am seriously considering. In the meantime I have my eyes set on possibly doing a spoken word album. I'm just trying to stretch my gift in every avenue I possibly can. Besides some people like to hear the words versus just reading them on a page. It's a whole different effect. I am getting all tingly in excitement just thinking about! Ha!

Anywho, I must mosey on back to my fan page Mrs. Poetic Rain Facebook Fan Page!!! Like me on there if you'd like or follow me on Twitter @PoeticRainBLOOM!!! Or just do BOTH!!! LOL

***Smooches***

Bleeding Words....

I went to my new favorite spot again last night. The one and only Voicez and Vybez hosted by an awesome woman named Terri Meredith. Oh my goodness it was such an amazing show. Jamaal St. John was the feature and I am over thankful I did not miss him. He is a true beast on the mic and I was honored to see this kind of greatness up close and personal. I haven't been on the poetry scene actively in a while and boy did I miss it! It is nothing more fulfilling to a poet than to be surrounded by the kind of talent that was in the building last night. Mentor and Ice Squad, Nubian, Creativity, Brian Poem, and so many others straight ripped the mic. I left there so uplifted and inspired. I didn't get to perform but it's coming in due time. I will be more than ready after this experience.

I'm just ready to release this book and see what God does with it! It has been a long time coming and my supporters have surely been waiting. Everybody who has been lucky enough to preview it are just as excited to see it take off! I have always had this desire to write since a little girl so to see it coming to life before my eyes is definitely surreal for me!!! I AM STOKED YALL!!! LOL

Happy 32nd Birthday To Me!!!

Today is such a bittersweet day for me but I must be thankful anyway because God allowed me to see another year! Doctors had already signed my death sentence as a child but God gave me a life sentence that canceled it. That's all for now bloggers....

BLOOM

My most exciting new venture is to help teenagers who have been through molestations and rapes. I have always wanted to work with this age group I just wasn't sure in what capacity. However, God led me right in such a perfect direction considering I have been down this path myself. Even at 31 years old I am STILL affected by the things that has happened to me since childhood and in my adulthood. Sexual abuse is a life altering change that only God can restore you from. The beautiful thing about this is that they are getting the help I didn't receive because I held the secret from people who could have provided me with the help and guidance I needed. It wasn't until I was 30 that I started to seek help for this issue. Nevertheless, God is giving me back slowly what was stolen from me... =)

Click the link above to get more details about BLOOM.

Can't Believe I Am Blogging...LOL =)

Honestly, I really wasn't into this blogging thing. My husband suggested it to me last week I think. I kind of turned my face in all kind of knots. LOL I just know after creating a fan page for my poetry about a month ago that it takes a lot of time to maintain. Even with the assistance of my manager Sharee Houston. Nevertheless, here I am so love me or hate either way I will be on your mind. ; )

I could talk about plenty of things right now but I really need to get some poems done and do the last finishing corrections on my poetry book before I send it off to Georgia. This is like my unborn baby and I am ready to see its face sooooo bad! I am very proud of where my poetry has taken me. I have a good support team and it has been long overdo! The world might as well welcome Mrs. Poetic Rain with open arms because I am coming full force with a smile and the TRUTH! =)

Let me go be productive! I'm out of here....

"Best In Me"-Pastor Marvin Sapp

Anybody who knows me, knows I love me some Marvin Sapp! I recently danced his song "Deeper" off his new album. I will be dancing another one of his songs with my daughter next week. I think it will be "I Win" but it could be "Deeper" again. I am a very indecisive dancer considering I don't choreograph. I just let God move! But like the song below says, "He Saw The BEST In Me!"